Research shows that even young, highly-educated and assertive women do not ask for what they want, or know how to maneuver their way through systems that penalize them for asking.
The cost, to both women and organizations, is high.
Research proves that when women do ask for what they want, they do not do so as clearly, quickly or as often as men do. GenX and GenY women are following in the footsteps of their Boomer and Traditional predecessors in this pattern.
Women also tend to think that what is offered (“what is on the table”) is all that is available. Men draw on their socialization (which includes things like being taught how to slip the Maitre d’ a few bucks for a better table) and assume that their wants and needs might be met if they speak up, irrespective of what seems to be on offer.
Organizations suffer. Their valuable women work and wait for rewards or options, then one day, *poof*! They’re working for your competitor or running their own small business, and you’re saying “why didn’t she TELL me she wanted that position, the same salary as John, that title, a new computer screen, a more flexible schedule, a space heater? It would have cost so little … a tiny fraction of what this is costing us now!”
Linda Babcock, Co-author of “Women Don’t Ask”, admits that those who ask, often get. She describes how she, herself, gave more resources and opportunities to men in her department, while she was researching the way women are socialized to wait for rewards, and why women don’t imagine possibilities outside The System. She did this because men asked.
Great read: “Women Don’t Ask” (by Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever) has some great strategies for managing men and women who are valuable assets to your organization, but do not ask clearly for what they want. It’s also a must-read for working women or parents of daughters.