America is largely a nation of immigrants, but soon people settle into their new culture and become… well … Americans.
They know the rules, how things get done, what works and what doesn’t. They know what to say and what not to say. Then when the new guys arrive, it is not difficult to forget that they (or their parents, or grandparents) were also once cultural illiterates, struggling to understand America and her seemingly-incomprehensible ways.
This scenario plays out in every nation in the world, because people are people, and the in-group/out-group model lives deep into our human wiring.
We have all been the in-group, looking at the stranger, and rejecting the strange behavior that is outside our comfort zone. We have all been in the out-group:
Perhaps you were a guest at a wedding where everyone practiced another religion, or the only man at a baby shower? You were a tourist, trying to blend in at a local festival, or a business person, feeling like a fish out of water, at a convention full of people speaking a language you can hardly grasp.
Maybe you were on home turf, watching the silly tourist, or you were hosting the foreign business person, or taking the lonely wedding guest under your wing?
Let’s agree one thing: we have all been the odd-man-out, or the new guy, lost and awkward, saying “I don’t understand how they do things here.”
My question today is “what are the rules in USA society?”. What are we supposed to do? What are the problem areas for newcomers to American Society? What puzzles people from other cultures, or stands in the way of their success? Please gift us with your questions, answers (if you have them), stories of failure and stories of success.
October 3rd, 2008 at 3:53 pm
I am still trying to understand the US structure when it comes to their school system.
Coming from “Forms” in the British / Caribbean to “Grades” in the US was hard in itself then to wrap my hands around 1st Grade, K1, K2, K3, PSAT, SAT, ACT, Honors, AP,IB and then PTA. It obviously does not work and has been challenge for ALL foreigners coming to the US with children and 2nd generation children born in the US and having to get used to this system.
December 14th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
American men could learn how to treat women from the French. When I came to the US, I always wondered why American women were much less well groomed than French women, yet also not treated as equals. I realized that it is American men.
French men look at a woman in a different way. They listen to women as business equals and they also show that they are appreciating women as works of art. Why do so many American men dismiss women who are not hot babes or obvious sources of revenue?
It is very hard to explain American gender rules, because they say one thing, but do something else.